I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
