Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You don't make any sense
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