do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
