My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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