I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Four minutes until I can fart!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
