Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
