he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
