I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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