I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
