his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We left the knife in your bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You need Xanax blowdarts
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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