i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
