Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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