I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Couch. On fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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