haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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