My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
