if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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