I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
