gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
