Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
