I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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