You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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