we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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