she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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