Your dad touched me again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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