My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
