yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
