I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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