im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
