Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
