You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
