ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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