You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
