Got a toothbrush?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
