you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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