I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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