Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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