Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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