i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i will never coherently bang her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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