he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
