Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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