John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize