question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
