Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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