Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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