Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
