I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
