so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
