It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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