when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
