So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
