How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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