well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
