Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
