I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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