the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
