I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
