her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
