goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
