Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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