Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
