all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
