I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
