My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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