she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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