just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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