And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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